The Blue Cup

10 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment

by egomarc in Friends, hobbies, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, reflections, whatever

After bathing today, I stood still in the shower, faced the wall with an expressionless face. With all the water rolling down every part of me, I can feel every drop parting away with gravity, like how every amoeba seperates itself from each other.

And as I feel water droplets slowly parting from my eyelashes, I dare not blink an eye, for it will hurt and irritate my eye.

Well, that is exactly how I see that it will end up. I’m afraid. Yes, afraid, that the droplet is you and the eye is me. The droplet of water, so pure and serene, if disturbed with constant pace and movement to it, will disperse it’s every water molecule, hurting the eye with every touch of it. And the eye, feeling that water is in it, will activate the human braincells and tell it that hey, I’m hurt, and it’s painful.

Paranoid. That’s what I’m feeling. If I don’t blink, my vision will see you fall away from me. If I blink, you will be irritated and somehow lose it at me.

And probably after typing this post, knowing that you might have been gone, I dare not close my eyes, because I’m afraid I couldn’t stand the sight of you leaving, ignoring me behind in the dark when I end the day with my eyes closed.

You might probably be imperfect, but I see and think otherwise. I might not be the best person walking in this world, but I might be the best person walking into your world.

The blue cup is still at home, hoping that by giving it to you, it will be filled with happiness of your perception. I guess I don’t need to already. Because when I brought it home, it was empty.

Through it all, it endured a 5 day 4 night stay in my car, hoping that it will end up in your good hands. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. And I guess it ain’t gonna happen. Now as it lays nicely in a cupboard at home, I didn’t want to close the cupboard door, because I didn’t want to leave you in the dark. But as the door inch ever closer to the end of the hinge, I have that feeling of emptiness all over again. Just like how I brought the cup home, empty without knowing how this message can be delivered.

And now as I lay on my bed, I peeked out of the windows and i see a sky with stars like neutrons in heaven, I told myself that you might be better off without me. You broke my confidence once, but I wasn’t gonna let it affect me. Because I know the stars will stand by me.

And just at the time of emotions, they appear, right before my very eyes, in the sky, forever shining, forever blinking, because they always tell me this story.

“Every blink comes with a price. Pain or pleasure, it still irritates you in the quietest of ways. But if you can take a blink, you can take a butterfly effect like an earthquake pregnant with a thousand aftershocks. That’s imperfection. That’s love.”

I hate to see you ignore me, but I guess I have blinked too much. Time to close my eyes. For the record, it hurts.

But tomorrow will be ok. Because I know that opening my eyes tomorrow is the only way. Hopefully it is bright and sunny then.