Not Bad.

31 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment

by egomarc in Friends, inspiration, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever

Apparently I’m starting to make use of my time – bit by bit – to do the things I wanna do and also accomplishing tasks pertaining towards what I want to achieve till the end of the year. The forthcoming things that are happening are things that probably make me think and feel that actually sometimes you can get help anywhere, everywhere, but eventually it boils down to one’s discipline and determination to push for the success and target that we have always wanted to achieve.

My friend shared with me once about the difference between talking, dreaming and doing. We all have dreams, I don’t deny. And that we all have always wanted to do this or that or achieve something that you probably feel it’s realistic to reach. So our minds wonder, our minds ponder. And then we tell everyone, seemingly excited about the plans you create, the plans you have drawn to perfection. But when it comes to the day that you have plan for, you are glued to your fucking sofa rotting away with broken chips all over your face and cans of coke lying everywhere.

Is that what you want? Is that your so called “dream”?

Then again, that made me feel that time is everything and as you know, time doesn’t wait for no man. Ok to be fair, woman as well. And to make it all seem so nice and flowery isn’t gonna help when you paint a picture without your brush no?

Probably that is why people are slowly fading away. You know, slowly moving on with their lives. Studies, work, aspirations, projects, outings, camps etc. And that probably show that everyone else that I know have a purpose and have a reason to do what they wanna do. And I feel happy for them. Sadly I feel sad for myself because that’s when everyone’s busy when I’m free. But I gotta understand that the norm of a human is probably 98% selfish eventually. And just when I always thought that selfishness isn’t a good thing, I told myself to begin loving “selflessness”.

Now that I have somewhat attained selflessness in the right areas of my life and selfishness in the other areas apart from the first, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. And so as it seems, fate and whoever’s using that Xbox controller to control my life is kinda rewinding me back to the time what I was the complete opposite of who I’m now. And probably it is a vicious cycle. Never liked it, but I can’t do anything about it. It’s like the events that happen day by day are leading to the times when it’s kinda like making me find my old-self again and telling me that THAT is the right way to go, not now.

I can agree to a certain extent. And yes, I might probably revert back to who I m. And eventually I will lose more than anything that I can lose throughout this 25 years of my life. But in order for that to happen, it still boils down to my discipline. So let’s do a checklist now on my personal outcomes that I did or at least try to do so far.

1) Move on? Checked.
2) Get a job? Checked.
3) Change my character? Trying to.
4) Introverting? Trying to.
5) Selfishness? Trying to.
6) Positive Attitude? Trying to.
7) Healthy Lifestyle? Not really. (As you can see from my life now)
8) Accept reality as it is? On the verge of saying yes.
9) Focus-oriented? No.

You see, the last point is ultimately the distraction-free attitude that I basically want to achieve. And I realised that it has served me well when I was way younger into my teenage years. And probably succeeded along the way. That’s how I improved from a no-brainer to a basketballer. That’s how I improved from a Football Manager idiot to a striker that curls the ball around and past the opponent’s goalkeeper. That’s how I didn’t become the Platoon Best in BMT but ended up being the only person in my platoon to be enrolled in OCS.

I remember I was labeled a teacher’s pet when I was in secondary school. Come on guys. You think I don’t know an open secret? Probably you dickheads don’t have the balls to admit to me that’s all. I was just being friendly and helpful. Not like you idiots only trying to smoke in toilets. But because of you pricks that I manage to grow stronger in person because there’s people like you all that make me want to beat the crap out of your guts.

And that’s how I was last time. And I’m a nobody now. And I hate it.

It doesn’t matter anymore, because I can’t be distracted by all that bullshit anymore.

Time to be awesome. =)

If you make the effort to reach out your hand, the horizon will never be too far from you.