As Usual.

18 Aug 2010 2 Comments

by egomarc in esteem, Friends, hobbies, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, reflections, whatever

Day by day after work everyday, my lifespan grows shorter because of the intensity at work. I haven’t seen my good friends in more than a week already. I have been rotting everyday after work at home. But of course, doing something meaningful like a collage of photos from last time. Then again, I lack the rest that I need so much. Maybe I need to take a day off or leave to just sleep all the way. Now in this moment of haste and increased pressure, I try so hard to find time to chill, but to no avail.

The only love I receive now is my mum’s cooking, my bed, the shower and trickles water everytime I need to get clean every night before I go to bed, and probably my computer and iPhone to keep me out of my insane mind at work. Everything’s so fast. Everything’s so massively disturbing to the heart. Everything in reality seems so unavoidable that distractions settles in. This ain’t good at all. I kinda admit that the habit of getting people to accompany me in this and that is sometimes good but sometimes bad as well.

Good being… Yea, you have someone to accompany you either for companionship or opinionated outings. Bad being… Either you are too dependant, scared, don’t like to do things alone etc. But that’s what I’m somehow, I can’t seem to not find someone to go out with. Be it a cup of coffee, to get something downstairs etc. Then again, where was the independant me last time when no one liked who am I and no one fancied someone that looked as bad as myself? I always had the opportunity to tell other people that they look better and never been much better than before because I beg to differ on my very self. Though I still do, but… I don’t know. People these days are either too thick in the skin or snobbish.

But I always feel somehow that someone is reading all this. Be it my bestest friends, be it someone unknown, I don’t know. But somehow everything’s so quiet in my life. Silence begets more silence. Loneliness knows me by name. And I guess that’s just the way it is. Taking life day by day is probably the only way to get past time in the most effortly effective manner. =|

Now where’s that baking oven?