Dead?

03 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment

by egomarc in Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever

No I’m not dead yet. Couldn’t find the time to blog properly because of the immense programmes and activities going on in life that either I or my friends have arranged for myself, and yes, I’m enjoying it thus far. But after all that has happened, sadly I still cut a lone shadow back home. But I know I can get back to rest. And be at peace.

But I never liked total silence. Or at least silence in the longest of hours at times.

And I’m not done with my Taiwan blog post and pics, though I’m trying to get it up and running asap. I’m on leave next week. Probably I can deal with that on a weekday so empty and quiet. Then again, everyone’s busy with their own lives and all, and I’m concentrating as much to keep myself busy in order not to think so much. Perhaps everyone should just do that to keep themselves busy.

I still have more to go, and that I’m trying to achieve my target as such. And it’s not easy, but I gotta save more than I can. Gotta eat cheap in camp and all. Just gotta learn how to save money. Life’s been difficult these days. Everyday I go to work, and get back home without any thought of anything far, of what to do, of what to achieve. Not that I have everything, but everything can’t happen straightaway with the snap of the fingers. Sadly, I can’t weave magic.

It’s December already and how time passed in an instant. It was just January the last time I slogged it out in camp over the whole week, and now I’m ready to start a new chapter of studying and working in my life. I’m so gonna die, but then who cares. If I don’t help myself, no one will. That means less meet-ups, more rest, more work, no lifer to begin with. Lesser of me. But it doesn’t matter anyways. Just know that I have to save money. I try so hard to arrange time for meet ups but at times I gotta understand that everyone’s not free due to work or school or what. But I can’t give a shit anymore because I’m tired of people not replying, or at least replying at the last minute. People all taking things for granted. Probably I’m gullible. Probably I’m dedicated. Probably I’m determined.

Anyways, if you are expecting a new year resolution, many people out there will either give theirs or say no because they usually don’t abide. But that is if you do not have a direction in life. I do. So I will list it out. I still – and I shall try – to save about 7k this month. I also still – and will be determined to try – to find another car for the future. And…. I shall excel in my studies. I don’t have any other wishes.

So what if I looked like I have everything? Everything is nothing.

Frankly speaking, I lost every hope in other things that I sought in life. I’m tired of giving and providing. I’m tired squeezing into a room without my personal space. I’m tired of all the rants at work though I will tolerate nonetheless. I’m tired of smiling. I’m tired of walking. I’m tired of everything.

Basically, there’s no hope in me. I will just follow my resolutions. And keep it that way.

It’s 0114H. A time that I would expect to hit after blogging. Good night for now. Tomorrow is always another day, just another day.

I give up.