2011
02 Jan 2011 3 Comments
in Just Updates, life, love, mood, reflections, whatever
New post.
New year.
New resolutions.
New shoes.
New goals.
New attitude.
New lifestyle.
New monitor.
New perspective.
Same old me.
Nope.
13 Dec 2010 2 Comments
in Friends, interest, Just Updates, life, love, rant, reflections, whatever
because….
so….
i know…..
which is why….
almost but nothing like…
Oh well.
Dead?
03 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment
in Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever
No I’m not dead yet. Couldn’t find the time to blog properly because of the immense programmes and activities going on in life that either I or my friends have arranged for myself, and yes, I’m enjoying it thus far. But after all that has happened, sadly I still cut a lone shadow back home. But I know I can get back to rest. And be at peace.
But I never liked total silence. Or at least silence in the longest of hours at times.
And I’m not done with my Taiwan blog post and pics, though I’m trying to get it up and running asap. I’m on leave next week. Probably I can deal with that on a weekday so empty and quiet. Then again, everyone’s busy with their own lives and all, and I’m concentrating as much to keep myself busy in order not to think so much. Perhaps everyone should just do that to keep themselves busy.
I still have more to go, and that I’m trying to achieve my target as such. And it’s not easy, but I gotta save more than I can. Gotta eat cheap in camp and all. Just gotta learn how to save money. Life’s been difficult these days. Everyday I go to work, and get back home without any thought of anything far, of what to do, of what to achieve. Not that I have everything, but everything can’t happen straightaway with the snap of the fingers. Sadly, I can’t weave magic.
It’s December already and how time passed in an instant. It was just January the last time I slogged it out in camp over the whole week, and now I’m ready to start a new chapter of studying and working in my life. I’m so gonna die, but then who cares. If I don’t help myself, no one will. That means less meet-ups, more rest, more work, no lifer to begin with. Lesser of me. But it doesn’t matter anyways. Just know that I have to save money. I try so hard to arrange time for meet ups but at times I gotta understand that everyone’s not free due to work or school or what. But I can’t give a shit anymore because I’m tired of people not replying, or at least replying at the last minute. People all taking things for granted. Probably I’m gullible. Probably I’m dedicated. Probably I’m determined.
Anyways, if you are expecting a new year resolution, many people out there will either give theirs or say no because they usually don’t abide. But that is if you do not have a direction in life. I do. So I will list it out. I still – and I shall try – to save about 7k this month. I also still – and will be determined to try – to find another car for the future. And…. I shall excel in my studies. I don’t have any other wishes.
So what if I looked like I have everything? Everything is nothing.
Frankly speaking, I lost every hope in other things that I sought in life. I’m tired of giving and providing. I’m tired squeezing into a room without my personal space. I’m tired of all the rants at work though I will tolerate nonetheless. I’m tired of smiling. I’m tired of walking. I’m tired of everything.
Basically, there’s no hope in me. I will just follow my resolutions. And keep it that way.
It’s 0114H. A time that I would expect to hit after blogging. Good night for now. Tomorrow is always another day, just another day.
I give up.
Waiting For The End
27 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, reflections, whatever
This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something emptys within em
We say yeah
With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go
I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got
Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn’t so
What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on
And I don’t even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
Picking up those pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got
This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something emptys within em
We say yeah
With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear
Thoughts and Dreams
26 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in Friends, Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever
At work, I sit in my crazily noisy office, and that the clerks are hectic and busy walking around doing work while the other storemen just came into the office to create even more disturbance, and then my thoughts went away from that current atmosphere. And things started to flow back like it use to be.
But wait, didn’t I tell myself to be ok and kept myself busy with a lot of things till I’m like tired? If you gotta ask me, now I realise how boring a person I am. I got no traits, I ain’t that good in my presentation of myself, and there’s nothing to look forward to me. What’s next? I just asked myself a couple of times and it got into me that I shouldn’t be wasting my time, and then it happened throughout the past weekend, a weekend so well packed. I didn’t had the time to think about what’s tomorrow. And that the Sky Park has such a panoramic view that is breathtaking, I looked far, and told myself that I had to build that building over there.
It’s probably a dream to rich that stage of abundant cash flow. We suffer now so that our generations don’t, and I never knew that everything was falling through only for me to feel that wrath of the pocket, and that if I have to achieve my dream, I need to control my spending. I need to probably set a few more strict goals. And that I need someone so thrifty to help me save up. Girlfriend? Possible, provided if there’s one out there to help me control. I want to be brought back down to earth again. Because I wanna know how mud taste like all over again. That’s when I will learn that shit happens and shit taste like that.
Push me from the highest cliff down to the sea below, so that I can drown into the immensely cold deep blue and sink into near death physique, only to gasp for air after those struggle, then I will start to cherish life.
I did realise one thing too, that I’m quite cold-blooded. I don’t feel much for many sad shows anymore, and that probably because I have seen so many fake people and fake things, I wonder what’s real already. I just… want to know what’s love all over again. Sadly, even if I fell for someone so close and dear, I can’t take back my words, and that I can’t bring myself to love because it will be a drastic result. Confidence smashed. I looked forward everytime, but only for me to back down slowly.
I’m still fading, but I only need you to point that knife at my throat, and demand the answer, then I will give it to you, and pull me back from insanity to reality, then I will truly know that there’s still someone out there worth to love.
But I think you won’t know, because you don’t think as much as I do.
Oh well, no more dwelling, time to move on again. ~
Seremban (15th – 17th Oct 2010)
22 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in family, food, history, holiday, inspiration, interest, Just Updates, life, mood, reflections, singapore, whatever
This is a trip I will probably never forget in years to come. And it’s such an eye-opener, I’m feeling fortunate enough to be living in a place like Singapore. And it has opened up to me that life there is a totally different meaning in all, and I feel different. I feel that I seriously need to change. What did I face, you must have asked. Well, this is 3 days of life in Seremban, where my late great-grandparents lived and when my dad used to grow up at a playground and falling almost everytime he runs around it.
Day 1 – 2145H
Technically, the playground is not there anymore, and it has become a carpark by day, but roadside eateries by night. And I had char kuay teow without kuay teow. Solid eh. Sitting on stoods that probably will break anytime, I had a lot of food on that particular night alone, with my uncle bringing us to eat some great beehoon with handmade fishballs and zhi char. After that was supper at the roadside eateries. Had a bowl of tauhuay, a cup of coconut drink and that plate of char kuay teow. You know, the one that sold the coconut drink to us is an old lady that has been cutting, peeling and selling that drink since my dad was young? And how old and frail she looks now but still able to wield a freaking parang right at you? That’s the amount of energy she still got left in that woman. Respect.
And we left for my grandaunt’s place, getting to know some of them, like my twin aunts and my uncle, and yes, I only realise that I have more relatives than I think I had. Discovery #1 – I have more aunts and uncles. Discovery #2 – my twin aunts used to be reporters in KL. Cool or what. But anyways, they are very friendly and humble people, and patient for sure. And I’m truly ashamed that many Singaporeans are of the opposite attitude. I guess we all live in different worlds, but it’s hard not to compare about attitude and persona. So I turned in early, because the first activity on the itinerary is to wake up at 4am and be at a cemetry at 5am. You don’t wanna know that freaking feeling I tell you.
Day 2 – 0502H
Upon reaching the cemetry, we were all cooped up, dark and cosy in the car, with no surrounding lights, and nothing but only the bleak orange horizon that stood beyond the hills that provide that very very soft shade of light. Technically, you can’t see shit. And this is not the end of it. My great-grandparents’ grave is somewhere in between, and when I get to their tomb, it’s already scary enough because surrounding you are actually tombstones till the hills that masked off all light. Imagine when you are on a platform in the middle of the ocean with sharks surrounding you. That’s the kind of feeling you get. I didn’t think that much, but it’s damn creepy, because everyone else around you is dead. Like, yea, seriously dead.
The shifu got into his robe and he started his chanting all the way. It feels like going through a funeral all over again, just that it’s only a few of us and it’s not fun doing it at 5am in the morning when all souls are resting. The purpose of this is that we need to cremate our great-grandparents and place them at a crematorium at Seremban. But this cemetery is somewhere north of Seremban. So while waiting for the gravediggers to be done with their job, we headed for breakfast, and I caught one of the most beautiful sunrise in my entire life. It’s like a stream of cloud underlining diagonally up with the sky dyed red and orange. That feeling is undeniably good because I have been trying to chase sunsets and sunrise everytime. And I get good ones there. =D
It’s even better when you are having breakfast, with a bowl of noodles and a cup of Ice tea. What a way to start the day.
Day 2 – 0930H
So we headed back to rest after that, before heading out again to the temple with a crematorium at the top of a hill. It’s was all serene there, with birds chirping and light breeze every other second. The place was clean and neat, a very pleasant turnout for the eyes indeed. It resembles only one word in my mind – Peace. And the ritual continued, with myself being the eldest great-grandson (makes me feel that old), carrying my great-grandma’s urn and placing into the slot that our relatives purchased. After making our offerings and burning the necessary papers, it was time to head back for lunch, when another aunt of mine whipped up a sumptuous meal that I will probably never forget.
The best dish was the Ginger Wine Chicken. The best dish I had that afternoon. Two thumbs up!
Day 2 – 1450H
We headed to Jusco to talk a walk around, which basically, we had nothing much to buy except venturing into a familiar shop called Popular Book Store. Bought some fengshui books because they were like cheaper than what Singapore could offer. Then we head back and got ready for dinner, which apparently my relatives there reserved for yet another round of great food. I dined in that restaurant like 4 years back, and it still serves great food with good service standards.
Then we had a surprise birthday celebration catered for my grandaunt! And it’s really heartwarming to know that because my aunts and uncle did this like how we are doing it for friends in a birthday party or celebration. Sweet eh. =)
Day 3 – 0920H
It didn’t had to be that early like the previous day, so we woke up a little later, and head down to the Big Market of Seremban to have breakfast that is so cheap and good. Even the coffee they made was so thick and nice. I had like a plate of Sotong Bee Hoon and a plate of Char Siew Wanton Mee. And we shopped for fruits and vegetables. Still the wet market I reminisce in Teban Gardens last time, the market itself is practically wet and a little dirty all around, but that’s what I have expected, and it feels like the old times all over again.
Day 3 – 1353H
Going home was a bit saddening, because I never wanted to leave this place. This is my take-away from this eye opening trip.
- My relatives are somehow humble, kind and heartwarming. It’s really nice to know that people like them still exist and it exist in Malaysia, of all places I expected. And it brings me to shame on how Singaporeans are so fortunate to be around. It also make me feel ashamed that we should all learn the proper ways of being human all over again.
- Going back in time, I learnt all over again to bathe in cold water with a pipe above my head, and I had to shit and pee in a toilet bowl that doesn’t flush. I had to tahan with fan and mosquitoes every night, and I had to dwell in the dark as sometimes there wasn’t light.
- It goes to show how important burial of the dead is to future generations down the road, because without a proper burial, there is no peace for the dead, and it goes to show how respectful you are to them.
- The time when my great-grandparents bones were dug out, my grandaunt saw and broke down and cry. A woman, so old in her age, still has tears and fond memories left to share and tear, and I feel quite pitiful because it’s her mother after all. But we had to console her a little, as it is so long ago since she passed away. It’s a sad sight, but a grief to remember.
- Though the food is cheap, it goes to show that even with the slightest amount of content they possess, it counts as a real blessing to them as it is not about how satisfying or worthy the food is but how full can the food make you feel. When we went to the restaurant, my relatives were like so well-dressed that it made it like we are attending a wedding. Contentment.
- It’s a sad day for us sometimes, but I also learn to put the past aside and face the future with open arms, and that we know we ultimately can’t run away from a problem, but more so that we could stick and fight to the very end. Determination is what we lack. And the right attitude to approach a situation lies so clearly drawn in the working world these days.
I’m glad that I’m back home though, but I’m glad that I bring home a valuable answer to unanswered questions back home. I guess it’s a very great eye-opening trip for me. =)
Directional Sensing
12 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in interest, Just Updates, life, money, mood, reflections, whatever
When January 2011 begins, I can see the point where my direction in life begins. Now as I embark to a journey of self-seclusion, I guess this is when I do not have much time left for anything but the future ahead. It’s starting to clear as how I can see. I feel more focused when I study, because I get to be concentrating on a subject or 2, but not at work. The scenario at work will never change a damn bit, no matter how much you try to change and shorten processes.
Lousy is a feeling that I cannot afford to feel, because the more I do, the more my attitude will decline. And maybe perhaps I have toned down quite a bit in my voice and my eagerness to do things lately. Lack of energy due to age? I think it’s catching up on me, and it doesn’t seem good. No wonder I feel like travelling to New Zealand to round off my energy. Because if I ever go on holiday again, most likely I will end up at some island playing beach sports, or at least settling under a coconut tree and reading a book, enjoying a good tan from the sun.
Now that Dad has gotten a baking oven, it leaves me a chance to start learning my skills in baking, I can’t wait to use them. Not that I’m turning into a househusband – and not like I can become one because I’m single still – but I think having a skill or two in the kitchen helps sometimes when you are the hungriest person in the world. Ladies, please note – the way to a man’s heart is the stomach. Keep him happy by feeding him good food, not junk food. =)
But not like I’m making any girl fat. Just want to try my dedication to baking. =))
Let me see the 101 things on my list now… Now you are not one of them.
Now Let’s See Now…
04 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in inspiration, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, reflections, whatever
Ok, now that it ain’t that stressful, it’s still busy times for me, catching up with people, catching up with many events going on, and also learning to move to the right direction that I planned. So far so good, so far I’m a little progressive in my actions. Hopefully I can cultivate this into a good habit.
It is always the case of not walking the talk. Now I shall slowly advance from here. So much so that the instinctive subconscious is slowly getting the hang of overthrowing my senses back to the norm. After all that hypertension in the mind and heart at work, it’s good that I can reveille in peace. And what I do look forward to every other day is the fact that I can see everyone getting busy with their lives and I have nothing left but envy and awe. That’s a bad thing because I have been living on without serving any purpose. And why is that so.
Because whatever I have done so far has no direction. I’m meaninglessly getting on day by day, withering away as the clock ticks by. Decomposing to the humidity of age. Spiralling into a numb trance of worthless standstills. Is this what I have been asking myself to do? Have I made myself clear over what I want? Now all that is shoved away, washing my hands clean off these sickening habit.
Because September’s over, Marc. Wake up.
It’s time to show what you got.
A Series of Septembers
08 Sep 2010 2 Comments
in Friends, Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections
This is the month of September, cliche to say.
But as it seems to go so slow, let me take it all the way.
As I have some song videos right here, that probably you might have seen.
Let it all begin, and reminisce what you thought could have been.
Daughtry – September
A video for you to reminisce. Find the lyrics and listen to them.
Plain White T’s – A Lonely September
A video specially for you. You won’t see it anyways.
Earth, Wind, Fire – September
A video to boogie down some time at night at Zouk. =)
Greenday – Wake Me Up When September Ends
A video to remember.
Now… let me get out of here.
Repeating.
07 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Friends, hobbies, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever
So after not blogging for awhile, must be wondering what’s on my mind. On my end, the politically correct answer is that I’m busy with work and all. In fact, just working till my mind goes shut.
But on the contrary, I have been losing myself from the society to find all the reasons that happened in the past and what I have become today. I’m not the Marcus I used to be, that’s for sure. So I just wanna look back and tell myself – if time had the rewind button, what can I do to change what damages that had been dealt with.
There were many things that I asked myself, on to why I had to react that way, and why people had to react that way, and that there are many things that I want to say to people but I couldn’t bring myself to do so, and that some times at some point, I would want to take back all the words I have said on particular days of emotions, particular days of temptations and stuff like that. Sometimes I really wished that I have not done this, and sometimes I wished that I have not said that and whatsoever. The list goes on and on.
I also felt that I was selfish, and that I have not seen others in their own shoes and perspective, and have not put into consideration of how they feel, and that if you ask me how I feel when someone does something good for me, emotionally, I think that I have lost my heart and it’s empty inside me. I can’t feel any laughter nor joy. I can’t even feel pain or sorrow.
At this juncture, I don’t want to disclose any secrets that I have, long gone, or recent, I won’t say a word. Because I know whenever everything comes out of my mouth, I’m sure my life, and many others around me, will come crashing down into bits and pieces, and that even the best person in engineering couldn’t construct another perfection of art in someone. And yet it’s ultra hard to keep all this bits and pieces that I wished so much to forget. But reminisces after deja vu after memories, things just keep floating around your head and not sinking into the deep dark ocean.
How do I go about doing this? Eat more soy products? I don’t want to erase my life away, but neither do I want to keep these secrets, because I really wish to forget. The worse part? I can’t confide to anyone. As mentioned above, once I do that, everything comes crashing down. How I wish I was dead seriously. Reality bites, and it’s painful. Even till now, at work, it’s something that I can use to forget all my troubles, but when I get home, everything’s back to square one. I’m seriously damn messed up now.
I need to restructure my life.
I need to change my habits.
I need to stay focused on what I want to do.
I need to stay away from all the negativity.
I need to change my delusional jobscope.
I need to take my photos.
I need to get away from here.
I need to shout out loud.
I need to stop thinking about hope.
I need to hug someone badly.
Last but not least…..
I need to cry.
Sadly…
There’s no shoulder anymore.
Good night.
27 Aug 2010 2 Comments
in Friends, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever
I think I’m better off by myself.
Reality is giving too many signs and signals.
And it’s beyond my control.
What’s meant to be yours, will be yours.
What’s meant to go wrong, will go wrong.
Sadly, it’s all wrong for me.
Fly away marcus, fly away.
Fly away to a place that no one can find you.
Fly away when no one knows that you are gone.
Fly away to a place that your phone seems unreachable.
Fly away… just fly away..
Good night people, good bye people.
Falling For You
22 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Friends, history, hobbies, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever
Somehow I feel that everything that it’s above is kinda like the opposite. I don’t know that’s why I don’t judge and I don’t want to trust, knowing that if I do, I will end up in the same state all over and over again. Smarter right now to believe that things aren’t that easy. But of course, as the saying goes, if you believe it is a problem, it will always and forever be a problem.
Pessimism aside, love has always been a form of entity that words couldn’t construct on the surface of things. Love is kinda like a subconscious feeling, and it’s that kind of feeling that you feel good of that person, that the feeling can become better if given more opportunity, more chance, more time for engaging.
As this kind of thing progresses, time tells many tales of excitement and grief. Disappointment or entertainment, it’s subjective considering the type of person and personality involved. If one doesn’t give another the chance, and that hints are all over to see, I guess sometimes it’s time to give up and move on. It happened to me always. And it will forever be happening to me. It’s kinda bad, but you know, life screws you up some times and it’s obvious to see why. In accordance to Murphy’s Law, whatever will go wrong, will go wrong.
Apparently, my whole life is filled up by the fact that Murphy lives in me. And whatever I touch, whoever I speak to, whatever action I take, whoever I hear from, will all be erroneous. Not because I don’t believe in my confidence, and it’s not because of my self-esteem that I deemed a failure once, but it’s because ultimately, whenever I had a chance, it wasn’t presented to me well. And when it’s presented to me well, I’m avoided. I’m not a failure just because I tried, but at least I tried to make the effort. But it ain’t dreamland always. It ain’t always a day that the sun will be up there forever to paint picture of fluffy clouds added colour to the sky.
Please.
When everyone deserves a chance or two, we have people in the world that don’t offer anything at all. I guess I have seen too many of all this. And that when the time that you thought you can trust someone all over again, she walks away. I’m not stupid, as I mentioned time and time again. I might be dumb, but I’m not born blinded by anything. So don’t come telling me that I have not made the effort. Because I know it doesn’t happen to me anytime now, anytime sooner, or anytime later. Because I lost faith in all these “happenings”. I don’t want to judge because I don’t see things that others can. And that others shouldn’t judge me because they can’t see things on my end that I can see. But I stopped believing already. It’s time to live the life of innocence.
I believe. That it won’t happen on my end. Ever. Again.
I can wake up from my dream now.
As Usual.
18 Aug 2010 2 Comments
in esteem, Friends, hobbies, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, reflections, whatever
Day by day after work everyday, my lifespan grows shorter because of the intensity at work. I haven’t seen my good friends in more than a week already. I have been rotting everyday after work at home. But of course, doing something meaningful like a collage of photos from last time. Then again, I lack the rest that I need so much. Maybe I need to take a day off or leave to just sleep all the way. Now in this moment of haste and increased pressure, I try so hard to find time to chill, but to no avail.
The only love I receive now is my mum’s cooking, my bed, the shower and trickles water everytime I need to get clean every night before I go to bed, and probably my computer and iPhone to keep me out of my insane mind at work. Everything’s so fast. Everything’s so massively disturbing to the heart. Everything in reality seems so unavoidable that distractions settles in. This ain’t good at all. I kinda admit that the habit of getting people to accompany me in this and that is sometimes good but sometimes bad as well.
Good being… Yea, you have someone to accompany you either for companionship or opinionated outings. Bad being… Either you are too dependant, scared, don’t like to do things alone etc. But that’s what I’m somehow, I can’t seem to not find someone to go out with. Be it a cup of coffee, to get something downstairs etc. Then again, where was the independant me last time when no one liked who am I and no one fancied someone that looked as bad as myself? I always had the opportunity to tell other people that they look better and never been much better than before because I beg to differ on my very self. Though I still do, but… I don’t know. People these days are either too thick in the skin or snobbish.
But I always feel somehow that someone is reading all this. Be it my bestest friends, be it someone unknown, I don’t know. But somehow everything’s so quiet in my life. Silence begets more silence. Loneliness knows me by name. And I guess that’s just the way it is. Taking life day by day is probably the only way to get past time in the most effortly effective manner. =|
Now where’s that baking oven?
Carrots and Fishfood
02 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in colour, dad, family, food, Friends, history, hobbies, inspiration, interest, Just Updates, life, money, mood, pets, photography, reflections, singapore, whatever
Today while dumbing the remains of my meal into the dustbin, I came across a carrot head cut and thrown away, missing the bin somehow when it’s like only 30cm away from the sink (-_-”) and then I had to pick it up to throw. I bet it must be my mum. But then again, that’s not the point as when I picked the carrot head up, it brought me back to times when Aishita (our family pet rabbit) is still living and lazing around at it’s cage.
It loved carrots and french beans. And my mother will make it a point that whenever she is cooking carrots or french beans for the day, she will leave the head and probably some remaining french beans for that bunny to eat. And it was a joy because it knew whenever we will going near with a bowl of vegetables, she will jump up with excitement and then start demanding for it. Greedy, but that cute furball never fails to make us smile.
But well, it’s gone.
My dad used to keep fishes and still rearing some. Back then, I realised that he had like 7 to 8 blood parrot fishes. Then since, unfortunately the tanks that he came across to utilise were leaking and had no choice but to change them. But every time he changed one tank, one or two fishes will die. Up till today, only 2 survived, but looking pale and kinda bad in condition. But my dad still decides to keep them, apparently in a container. Sadly my dad’s been busy at work and stuff like that but there’s one good point about him and that he – no matter what living thing is that – will still make the effort even at his loss or sacrifice to keep it alive.
And I admire that character because it is pure sincerity. And it’s also the reason why I’m still walking on this earth healthy and fine. Without that amount of sacrifice, I won’t be here today. Then again, I would say that I pray for the fish to survive till my dad gets a better tank. Or at least find the time to release it to waters where it will be dangerous but much more freedom for it to enjoy.
Emotional pets aside, seems that tomorrow will be battlefront day as all of them were clearing off today. Tomorrow is meeting day and I’m sure gonna get buttered left right centre. Maybe additional kaya still. Then again, at this crucial point of time, they take away my monitor at my office for repairs when the annual audit check is coming in September. Fuck my life no?
This is bad counterproductive work behaviour. And I don’t like it.
Anyways, some photos that were taken from the past few months of late. Most can be found on Facebook. =)
Big Walk 2010 with family and Geokie and Zai! =)

Food Spree with Colin and Annice! There was more food. Just lesser pictures. Haha! =)
Marina Bay Sands and World Cup Finals! Epic Tiredness. Haha. =)
One day I decided to cook maggi mee when I was dead hungry.
Singapore International Jewellery Show 2010 at Marina Bay Sands with Xueli! Only Models Sadly. Haha. =)

Thanks for looking babe. Haha.
I heard that during the Singapore International Jewellery Show, 2 China nationals went there to rob and steal a pair of diamond earrings I think. And it’s of $10000 in value. One went to distract the salesperson after he took out the diamonds and the other just grabbed and go. And the security guard just felt that they were suspicious and gave chase. Haha. You think Singapore security guard dumb one ah. I think sometimes some security guards are respectable for their attitude at work. *Salutes*
Will blog more soon!
Not Bad.
31 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Friends, inspiration, interest, Just Updates, life, love, mood, rant, reflections, whatever
Apparently I’m starting to make use of my time – bit by bit – to do the things I wanna do and also accomplishing tasks pertaining towards what I want to achieve till the end of the year. The forthcoming things that are happening are things that probably make me think and feel that actually sometimes you can get help anywhere, everywhere, but eventually it boils down to one’s discipline and determination to push for the success and target that we have always wanted to achieve.
My friend shared with me once about the difference between talking, dreaming and doing. We all have dreams, I don’t deny. And that we all have always wanted to do this or that or achieve something that you probably feel it’s realistic to reach. So our minds wonder, our minds ponder. And then we tell everyone, seemingly excited about the plans you create, the plans you have drawn to perfection. But when it comes to the day that you have plan for, you are glued to your fucking sofa rotting away with broken chips all over your face and cans of coke lying everywhere.
Is that what you want? Is that your so called “dream”?
Then again, that made me feel that time is everything and as you know, time doesn’t wait for no man. Ok to be fair, woman as well. And to make it all seem so nice and flowery isn’t gonna help when you paint a picture without your brush no?
Probably that is why people are slowly fading away. You know, slowly moving on with their lives. Studies, work, aspirations, projects, outings, camps etc. And that probably show that everyone else that I know have a purpose and have a reason to do what they wanna do. And I feel happy for them. Sadly I feel sad for myself because that’s when everyone’s busy when I’m free. But I gotta understand that the norm of a human is probably 98% selfish eventually. And just when I always thought that selfishness isn’t a good thing, I told myself to begin loving “selflessness”.
Now that I have somewhat attained selflessness in the right areas of my life and selfishness in the other areas apart from the first, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. And so as it seems, fate and whoever’s using that Xbox controller to control my life is kinda rewinding me back to the time what I was the complete opposite of who I’m now. And probably it is a vicious cycle. Never liked it, but I can’t do anything about it. It’s like the events that happen day by day are leading to the times when it’s kinda like making me find my old-self again and telling me that THAT is the right way to go, not now.
I can agree to a certain extent. And yes, I might probably revert back to who I m. And eventually I will lose more than anything that I can lose throughout this 25 years of my life. But in order for that to happen, it still boils down to my discipline. So let’s do a checklist now on my personal outcomes that I did or at least try to do so far.
1) Move on? Checked.
2) Get a job? Checked.
3) Change my character? Trying to.
4) Introverting? Trying to.
5) Selfishness? Trying to.
6) Positive Attitude? Trying to.
7) Healthy Lifestyle? Not really. (As you can see from my life now)
8) Accept reality as it is? On the verge of saying yes.
9) Focus-oriented? No.
You see, the last point is ultimately the distraction-free attitude that I basically want to achieve. And I realised that it has served me well when I was way younger into my teenage years. And probably succeeded along the way. That’s how I improved from a no-brainer to a basketballer. That’s how I improved from a Football Manager idiot to a striker that curls the ball around and past the opponent’s goalkeeper. That’s how I didn’t become the Platoon Best in BMT but ended up being the only person in my platoon to be enrolled in OCS.
I remember I was labeled a teacher’s pet when I was in secondary school. Come on guys. You think I don’t know an open secret? Probably you dickheads don’t have the balls to admit to me that’s all. I was just being friendly and helpful. Not like you idiots only trying to smoke in toilets. But because of you pricks that I manage to grow stronger in person because there’s people like you all that make me want to beat the crap out of your guts.
And that’s how I was last time. And I’m a nobody now. And I hate it.
It doesn’t matter anymore, because I can’t be distracted by all that bullshit anymore.
Time to be awesome. =)
If you make the effort to reach out your hand, the horizon will never be too far from you.

































































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